Shouldn't Be So Complicated...

The past 24 hours, and slightly more, have been surreal. Just like a dream that's thiscloseto being a nightmare. .__.

These months have given me valuable insights into certain things, and I'm sorry to say that after all that, cynicism is the result. I don't like it much, but I can't continue the act that things are all perfect. If anything, these few days have been the culmination of all the nonsense.

I really dislike whining. I hate saying that I'm tired so often, because I know the exhaustion is due to my very unwise decisions. Hence, I shouldn't be whining because it's my fault. Still, I'm gonna say this. I'm taird. Of everything. Let me whine excessively to my heart's content.

I'm tired of giving people benefit of the doubt.
I'm tired of being someone who's a friend only when needed by others.
I'm tired of insomnia.
I'm tired of thinking too much.
I'm tired of not meeting expectations.
I'm tired of putting on a front.
I'm tired of being unable to stop myself.
I'm tired of remembering the past.
I'm tired of second-guessing.
I'm tired of changing so much.

I'm tired of people.
I'm tired of friends. (not all, & I'm not saying who)

Stupid. Stupid. If only I had the resources to pack up & leave all this behind, I'll gladly do so in a heartbeat. Cut off all the ties I have, for the time being. The easy way out.

I hate it that things have degenerated to this stage. It never should have. And I hate that although you know it has been this way for awhile, it seems like you don't care at all.

I started out clean but now I'm jaded
Just phoning it in
Just breaking the skin